I almost feel weird when I update my blog. Maybe it's cause I don't necessarily know what to post without truly opening up, which I kinda feel weird for doing over a blog post. But I mean, I'm not even sure if more than two people read my blog. But at the same time, I feel weird posting because I feel like I'm posting for other people, not for myself. Does that make sense? Like, I'm posting for other people to read, posting in hope for a response. And then I start to wonder. I feel like I seek people's approval too much. It's annoying, even to me. Sometimes, I update my status and wonder, "Did I just put that to see how many 'likes' I'll get, or did I post that because I meant it, so it doesn't matter if anyone likes it?" Why am I so dependent on Facebook or Twitter? Why do I feel like I need to voice my thoughts, my opinions, for other people to see? Geez, this is just so convicting. Most people probably wouldn't own up to it, but I am addicted to attention. Period. Especially over the internet. I delete statuses that don't get a certain amount of 'likes.' It used to be worse. I used to feel the need to always update my pictures so that people could see my life, to see ME. WHY?! How obnoxious. Why do I think I'm so important that I need to do all that? As if people really keep tabs on what I do and what I think or feel. I am so annoyed even just typing this. I don't do Lent and I never have, but I really consider doing it this year and just giving up Facebook and Twitter. Giving up that NEED to receive attention and approval for stuff that doesn't mean anything. Why do I not seek the approval of my God that much? Something is so wrong with that. I mean I love Facebook, but I seriously hate it at the same time. Sorry for the rant. Hope it makes you wonder, though.
Love always.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Stuck.
Lookie! A new post! Maybe I'll be able to keep up with this thing after all.
Anyways.
It seems like lately everyone is dealing with something. You're probably thinking, "Duh, Morgan. We all have stuff going on in our everyday lives." And you're right. But for whatever reason, it just seems like it's EVERYONE around me. And it's on blast. But, maybe that's just due to the fact that I am super sensitive to how other people are feeling. I don't know. But lately, I have just been burdened with everyone else's issues. And part of me is like, "Here! I'll take it. No, really. Hand it over and I'll try to fix everything." But then another part of me is like, "Good grief people! I have stuff going on too! How in the WORLD can I even help YOU right now when I need help too!" So I'm caught somewhere between being maybe "too selfless" and "too selfish." What the heck? I know that I can't fix everyone's problem. I know I can't. I mean, I even tell myself that. But what can I do? Surely, I can do something. Right? I feel like anytime I give someone advice, they really don't hear me. You know what I mean? Almost like if it's not what they WANT to hear, then it's of no value, it's irrelevant. And I'm not going to lie, it makes me ill, ESPECIALLY when it's stuff I've gone through before, they KNOW I've gone through it, but don't listen to anything I tell them. Maybe that's just my pride talking. I know I don't have the answers, but I hate seeing people I love go through stuff that I've gone through. It kills me and it could be prevented if they would just LISTEN! I don't mean this for everyone, but there are some people I know that continue to allow themselves to get hurt, regardless of how many times I've advised them against what they're doing. How much can we really help people? That's what I'm stuck on. I can pray for them, but what if they're not even praying for themselves? What if they're not seeking God's will in whatever they're going through? Is it of any use? I know my God is greater, stronger, bigger than anything they're going through. I know he can handle anything. But I can't make people go to Him. I can tell them all day that they need to, but what if they don't? What then? See, I'm so WORRIED about other people. How do I love people more than myself without trying to help them with everything or fix everything for them? I'm stuck. But, I can't help everyone. I can't. I need help too. I am human and I'm dealing with stuff too. I can't carry everything. I don't even know what to do. Everyone wants me to be patient and understanding and supportive and real. I can be real, but I don't know if I can be all those other things, especially when I know someone is making a mistake or is only chasing meaningless things. Stuck. So so stuck. One of my good friends sees a counselor once a week and just vents. I really feel like we all need that. I guess I should really vent to the Counselor who has all the answers before I have the questions. My prayer is just God would show me where that line is. People can't depend on me and I can't depend on myself. But I pray that I can lead people to the One who they can depend on for everything, no matter how big or how small. I pray that He shows me how to love as He does, but how to not take everything onto myself.
If you're reading this, I hope that you know you can come to me about whatever. Seriously. I'm all ears (or eyes). I WILL try to help you in anyway that I can. But please know, that our amazing God is the only one who can truly fix any problem or heal any wound. I love you. I hope all is well for you.
Love Always,
Morgan
Anyways.
It seems like lately everyone is dealing with something. You're probably thinking, "Duh, Morgan. We all have stuff going on in our everyday lives." And you're right. But for whatever reason, it just seems like it's EVERYONE around me. And it's on blast. But, maybe that's just due to the fact that I am super sensitive to how other people are feeling. I don't know. But lately, I have just been burdened with everyone else's issues. And part of me is like, "Here! I'll take it. No, really. Hand it over and I'll try to fix everything." But then another part of me is like, "Good grief people! I have stuff going on too! How in the WORLD can I even help YOU right now when I need help too!" So I'm caught somewhere between being maybe "too selfless" and "too selfish." What the heck? I know that I can't fix everyone's problem. I know I can't. I mean, I even tell myself that. But what can I do? Surely, I can do something. Right? I feel like anytime I give someone advice, they really don't hear me. You know what I mean? Almost like if it's not what they WANT to hear, then it's of no value, it's irrelevant. And I'm not going to lie, it makes me ill, ESPECIALLY when it's stuff I've gone through before, they KNOW I've gone through it, but don't listen to anything I tell them. Maybe that's just my pride talking. I know I don't have the answers, but I hate seeing people I love go through stuff that I've gone through. It kills me and it could be prevented if they would just LISTEN! I don't mean this for everyone, but there are some people I know that continue to allow themselves to get hurt, regardless of how many times I've advised them against what they're doing. How much can we really help people? That's what I'm stuck on. I can pray for them, but what if they're not even praying for themselves? What if they're not seeking God's will in whatever they're going through? Is it of any use? I know my God is greater, stronger, bigger than anything they're going through. I know he can handle anything. But I can't make people go to Him. I can tell them all day that they need to, but what if they don't? What then? See, I'm so WORRIED about other people. How do I love people more than myself without trying to help them with everything or fix everything for them? I'm stuck. But, I can't help everyone. I can't. I need help too. I am human and I'm dealing with stuff too. I can't carry everything. I don't even know what to do. Everyone wants me to be patient and understanding and supportive and real. I can be real, but I don't know if I can be all those other things, especially when I know someone is making a mistake or is only chasing meaningless things. Stuck. So so stuck. One of my good friends sees a counselor once a week and just vents. I really feel like we all need that. I guess I should really vent to the Counselor who has all the answers before I have the questions. My prayer is just God would show me where that line is. People can't depend on me and I can't depend on myself. But I pray that I can lead people to the One who they can depend on for everything, no matter how big or how small. I pray that He shows me how to love as He does, but how to not take everything onto myself.
If you're reading this, I hope that you know you can come to me about whatever. Seriously. I'm all ears (or eyes). I WILL try to help you in anyway that I can. But please know, that our amazing God is the only one who can truly fix any problem or heal any wound. I love you. I hope all is well for you.
Love Always,
Morgan
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:6-7
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Long time, no type.
So, in case you haven't noticed I am the worst at keeping up with a blog. Honestly, I'm awful at keeping up with anything, besides TV shows and gossip. Which is horrible. I lose touch with people because I'm selfish and feel like everyone should be the one to get in touch with me first. I'm working on that. I'm trying to work on loving people more than I love myself, which is tough.
But, first, I have to love Jesus more than I love myself. And I don't. I'm just being real, being honest. My constant prayer is that God will HELP me fall more in love with Him. It's easy to say that I'm in love with Him, but I want to mean it with every aspect of my life. That means that I have to wake up everyday and completely surrender myself to Him. Every single part. Even the parts that I love to have control over. I don't even wake up every morning with my Savior on my mind. So, how am I suppose to surrender myself to Him? Again, just being honest. I struggle with that a lot. I tend to slip back into the "typical Christian stereotype" and just try not to mess up too bad everyday. We have it so messed up, don't we? We have these lists of "Do this" and "Goodness, do NOT do that." But where is our heart? If we LOVED Jesus with every little bit of ourselves, those things would naturally happen. We wouldn't be focused on US. On what WE want to do. On how others treat US. If I loved Jesus the way I was suppose to, I wouldn't think twice about reaching out to others, especially those who care nothing about me, and in fact, only wish to hurt me. My pride and my arrogance causes me to wonder in unbelief how people could really just not like me that much. But they do, for whatever reason. But it shouldn't matter. AT ALL. I shouldn't even think twice about it. I should actually love them EVEN MORE. What? That doesn't make sense. Exactly. Our lives shouldn't make any sense AT ALL. And if they do, there is a problem. Don't you agree? Jesus' and the disciples' and Paul's lives made NO SENSE to those around them. And we look at those people and we admire them and we think they were awesome. Our lives can be JUST AS AWESOME. We just need to love Jesus as much as THEY DID!
Ah, anyway.
I got off topic. I hope to keep up with this blog thing better. I was inspired the other day at The Well when a video was showed of Passion from a few years ago. And it was Louie Giglio and all he did was read the journal of a girl named Ashley that showed the fourteen days of her not believing in God at all to her becoming a Christian. And it was beautiful. Maybe, just maybe this blog of mine could be something beautiful. If anything, maybe it can help someone with whatever they're going through. If anything at ALL, I hope that it will just bring glory to God, who deserves ALL the glory for every little thing. He makes beautiful things. I pray that He continues to make something beautiful out of this mess called me.
Today has been wonderful. I hope your day is better.
But, first, I have to love Jesus more than I love myself. And I don't. I'm just being real, being honest. My constant prayer is that God will HELP me fall more in love with Him. It's easy to say that I'm in love with Him, but I want to mean it with every aspect of my life. That means that I have to wake up everyday and completely surrender myself to Him. Every single part. Even the parts that I love to have control over. I don't even wake up every morning with my Savior on my mind. So, how am I suppose to surrender myself to Him? Again, just being honest. I struggle with that a lot. I tend to slip back into the "typical Christian stereotype" and just try not to mess up too bad everyday. We have it so messed up, don't we? We have these lists of "Do this" and "Goodness, do NOT do that." But where is our heart? If we LOVED Jesus with every little bit of ourselves, those things would naturally happen. We wouldn't be focused on US. On what WE want to do. On how others treat US. If I loved Jesus the way I was suppose to, I wouldn't think twice about reaching out to others, especially those who care nothing about me, and in fact, only wish to hurt me. My pride and my arrogance causes me to wonder in unbelief how people could really just not like me that much. But they do, for whatever reason. But it shouldn't matter. AT ALL. I shouldn't even think twice about it. I should actually love them EVEN MORE. What? That doesn't make sense. Exactly. Our lives shouldn't make any sense AT ALL. And if they do, there is a problem. Don't you agree? Jesus' and the disciples' and Paul's lives made NO SENSE to those around them. And we look at those people and we admire them and we think they were awesome. Our lives can be JUST AS AWESOME. We just need to love Jesus as much as THEY DID!
Ah, anyway.
I got off topic. I hope to keep up with this blog thing better. I was inspired the other day at The Well when a video was showed of Passion from a few years ago. And it was Louie Giglio and all he did was read the journal of a girl named Ashley that showed the fourteen days of her not believing in God at all to her becoming a Christian. And it was beautiful. Maybe, just maybe this blog of mine could be something beautiful. If anything, maybe it can help someone with whatever they're going through. If anything at ALL, I hope that it will just bring glory to God, who deserves ALL the glory for every little thing. He makes beautiful things. I pray that He continues to make something beautiful out of this mess called me.
Today has been wonderful. I hope your day is better.
Love always.
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