But, first, I have to love Jesus more than I love myself. And I don't. I'm just being real, being honest. My constant prayer is that God will HELP me fall more in love with Him. It's easy to say that I'm in love with Him, but I want to mean it with every aspect of my life. That means that I have to wake up everyday and completely surrender myself to Him. Every single part. Even the parts that I love to have control over. I don't even wake up every morning with my Savior on my mind. So, how am I suppose to surrender myself to Him? Again, just being honest. I struggle with that a lot. I tend to slip back into the "typical Christian stereotype" and just try not to mess up too bad everyday. We have it so messed up, don't we? We have these lists of "Do this" and "Goodness, do NOT do that." But where is our heart? If we LOVED Jesus with every little bit of ourselves, those things would naturally happen. We wouldn't be focused on US. On what WE want to do. On how others treat US. If I loved Jesus the way I was suppose to, I wouldn't think twice about reaching out to others, especially those who care nothing about me, and in fact, only wish to hurt me. My pride and my arrogance causes me to wonder in unbelief how people could really just not like me that much. But they do, for whatever reason. But it shouldn't matter. AT ALL. I shouldn't even think twice about it. I should actually love them EVEN MORE. What? That doesn't make sense. Exactly. Our lives shouldn't make any sense AT ALL. And if they do, there is a problem. Don't you agree? Jesus' and the disciples' and Paul's lives made NO SENSE to those around them. And we look at those people and we admire them and we think they were awesome. Our lives can be JUST AS AWESOME. We just need to love Jesus as much as THEY DID!
Ah, anyway.
I got off topic. I hope to keep up with this blog thing better. I was inspired the other day at The Well when a video was showed of Passion from a few years ago. And it was Louie Giglio and all he did was read the journal of a girl named Ashley that showed the fourteen days of her not believing in God at all to her becoming a Christian. And it was beautiful. Maybe, just maybe this blog of mine could be something beautiful. If anything, maybe it can help someone with whatever they're going through. If anything at ALL, I hope that it will just bring glory to God, who deserves ALL the glory for every little thing. He makes beautiful things. I pray that He continues to make something beautiful out of this mess called me.
Today has been wonderful. I hope your day is better.
Love always.
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