Must. Have. Attention.

I almost feel weird when I update my blog. Maybe it's cause I don't necessarily know what to post without truly opening up, which I kinda feel weird for doing over a blog post. But I mean, I'm not even sure if more than two people read my blog. But at the same time, I feel weird posting because I feel like I'm posting for other people, not for myself. Does that make sense? Like, I'm posting for other people to read, posting in hope for a response. And then I start to wonder. I feel like I seek people's approval too much. It's annoying, even to me. Sometimes, I update my status and wonder, "Did I just put that to see how many 'likes' I'll get, or did I post that because I meant it, so it doesn't matter if anyone likes it?" Why am I so dependent on Facebook or Twitter? Why do I feel like I need to voice my thoughts, my opinions, for other people to see? Geez, this is just so convicting. Most people probably wouldn't own up to it, but I am addicted to attention. Period. Especially over the internet. I delete statuses that don't get a certain amount of 'likes.' It used to be worse. I used to feel the need to always update my pictures so that people could see my life, to see ME. WHY?! How obnoxious. Why do I think I'm so important that I need to do all that? As if people really keep tabs on what I do and what I think or feel. I am so annoyed even just typing this. I don't do Lent and I never have, but I really consider doing it this year and just giving up Facebook and Twitter. Giving up that NEED to receive attention and approval for stuff that doesn't mean anything. Why do I not seek the approval of my God that much? Something is so wrong with that. I mean I love Facebook, but I seriously hate it at the same time. Sorry for the rant. Hope it makes you wonder, though.




Love always.

Stuck.

Lookie! A new post! Maybe I'll be able to keep up with this thing after all. 


Anyways.




It seems like lately everyone is dealing with something. You're probably thinking, "Duh, Morgan. We all have stuff going on in our everyday lives." And you're right. But for whatever reason, it just seems like it's EVERYONE around me. And it's on blast. But, maybe that's just due to the fact that I am super sensitive to how other people are feeling. I don't know. But lately, I have just been burdened with everyone else's issues. And part of me is like, "Here! I'll take it. No, really. Hand it over and I'll try to fix everything." But then another part of me is like, "Good grief people! I have stuff going on too! How in the WORLD can I even help YOU right now when I need help too!" So I'm caught somewhere between being maybe "too selfless" and "too selfish." What the heck? I know that I can't fix everyone's problem. I know I can't. I mean, I even tell myself that. But what can I do? Surely, I can do something. Right? I feel like anytime I give someone advice, they really don't hear me. You know what I mean? Almost like if it's not what they WANT to hear, then it's of no value, it's irrelevant. And I'm not going to lie, it makes me ill, ESPECIALLY when it's stuff I've gone through before, they KNOW I've gone through it, but don't listen to anything I tell them. Maybe that's just my pride talking. I know I don't have the answers, but I hate seeing people I love go through stuff that I've gone through. It kills me and it could be prevented if they would just LISTEN! I don't mean this for everyone, but there are some people I know that continue to allow themselves to get hurt, regardless of how many times I've advised them against what they're doing. How much can we really help people? That's what I'm stuck on. I can pray for them, but what if they're not even praying for themselves? What if they're not seeking God's will in whatever they're going through? Is it of any use? I know my God is greater, stronger, bigger than anything they're going through. I know he can handle anything. But I can't make people go to Him. I can tell them all day that they need to, but what if they don't? What then? See, I'm so WORRIED about other people. How do I love people more than myself without trying to help them with everything or fix everything for them? I'm stuck. But, I can't help everyone. I can't. I need help too. I am human and I'm dealing with stuff too. I can't carry everything. I don't even know what to do. Everyone wants me to be patient and understanding and supportive and real. I can be real, but I don't know if I can be all those other things, especially when I know someone is making a mistake or is only chasing meaningless things. Stuck. So so stuck. One of my good friends sees a counselor once a week and just vents. I really feel like we all need that. I guess I should really vent to the Counselor who has all the answers before I have the questions. My prayer is just God would show me where that line is. People can't depend on me and I can't depend on myself. But I pray that I can lead people to the One who they can depend on for everything, no matter how big or how small. I pray that He shows me how to love as He does, but how to not take everything onto myself.




If you're reading this, I hope that you know you can come to me about whatever. Seriously. I'm all ears (or eyes). I WILL try to help you in anyway that I can. But please know, that our amazing God is the only one who can truly fix any problem or heal any wound. I love you. I hope all is well for you.




Love Always,
Morgan

 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:6-7

You are more.

Beautiful.
Just watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtcwQwgdsA

Long time, no type.

So, in case you haven't noticed I am the worst at keeping up with a blog. Honestly, I'm awful at keeping up with anything, besides TV shows and gossip. Which is horrible. I lose touch with people because I'm selfish and feel like everyone should be the one to get in touch with me first. I'm working on that. I'm trying to work on loving people more than I love myself, which is tough. 


But, first, I have to love Jesus more than I love myself. And I don't. I'm just being real, being honest. My constant prayer is that God will HELP me fall more in love with Him. It's easy to say that I'm in love with Him, but I want to mean it with every aspect of my life. That means that I have to wake up everyday and completely surrender myself to Him. Every single part. Even the parts that I love to have control over. I don't even wake up every morning with my Savior on my mind. So, how am I suppose to surrender myself to Him? Again, just being honest. I struggle with that a lot. I tend to slip back into the "typical Christian stereotype" and just try not to mess up too bad everyday. We have it so messed up, don't we? We have these lists of "Do this" and "Goodness, do NOT do that." But where is our heart? If we LOVED Jesus with every little bit of ourselves, those things would naturally happen. We wouldn't be focused on US. On what WE want to do. On how others treat US. If I loved Jesus the way I was suppose to, I wouldn't think twice about reaching out to others, especially those who care nothing about me, and in fact, only wish to hurt me. My pride and my arrogance causes me to wonder in unbelief how people could really just not like me that much. But they do, for whatever reason. But it shouldn't matter. AT ALL. I shouldn't even think twice about it. I should actually love them EVEN MORE. What? That doesn't make sense. Exactly. Our lives shouldn't make any sense AT ALL. And if they do, there is a problem. Don't you agree? Jesus' and the disciples' and Paul's lives made NO SENSE to those around them. And we look at those people and we admire them and we think they were awesome. Our lives can be JUST AS AWESOME. We just need to love Jesus as much as THEY DID! 


Ah, anyway.
I got off topic. I hope to keep up with this blog thing better. I was inspired the other day at The Well when a video was showed of Passion from a few years ago. And it was Louie Giglio and all he did was read the journal of a girl named Ashley that showed the fourteen days of her not believing in God at all to her becoming a Christian. And it was beautiful. Maybe, just maybe this blog of mine could be something beautiful. If anything, maybe it can help someone with whatever they're going through. If anything at ALL, I hope that it will just bring glory to God, who deserves ALL the glory for every little thing. He makes beautiful things. I pray that He continues to make something beautiful out of this mess called me. 


Today has been wonderful. I hope your day is better.

Love always.

How good is He?

I thought I'd share this with everyone.


Belinda kept a calendar on her desk and each day had a different verse on it.
On the day she died, the verse(s) on her calendar was 2 Timothy 4:6-7.

'For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.'

Isn't God SO good?!

Always, Morgan

Rollercoaster.

Well, it's been one week since I last posted something. I guess it's about time I wrote another post. So, this past week has been emotionally draining. If you're wanting a happy read, then stop here. Click 'Back' and go to someone else's blog. I go to Westmeade Baptist Church. I've gone there my entire life. I love it. Well, Monday I found out that our Music Minister of seven years, David Burdeshaw, is being called to another church in Arkansas. His last Sunday is the 15th. It was such a shock. I bawled my eyes out. Some of you are thinking, 'Okay.. why?' and that's because you do not KNOW David Burdeshaw. I have always looked up to David and I always will. He has helped me SO MUCH in my walk with Christ. I can't put it into words how much he and his family mean to me. They're like family, not just a family who goes to the church as I do. I dread saying bye. But that's not all that happened. Let me give you some background before I continue. My mom's cousin, Belinda Webb, has battled a rare cancer called leiomyosarcoma for almost a year. If you've never heard of it, you're with the majority of people. It's a cancer of the smooth tissue, such as the tissue in organs and muscles. A local oncologist may only see one or two cases in their entire career. She was in the fourth and final stage of the cancer when she was diagnosed. They started treatments right away. During her journey, she sent me, my mom, and others text messages almost daily full of hope and her faith in God. There was never one sorrowful messages. Not one message of defeat. She never once gave up. She never once doubted God. Her faith was SO inspiring to me. I was absolutely moved by the things she would say. This woman who was battling cancer challenged ME to have more faith in God. It was incredible. The text messages start in August 2009 and end in June 2010. Belinda had been improving, until late in June when doctors discovered a tumor on her brain. It was the size of a baseball. After the surgery, Belinda lost her ability to talk and her mobility. Her husband, Gary, had to watch her and care to her every need. It was so discouraging to me. I didn't know what was going on in her mind. I PRAYED that her faith remained unshaken. Beth Moore, who Belinda LOVED, even wrote her a letter. Because of the wound made from surgery, the cancer spread quickly. More tumors formed and the tumor in her brain grew back. Belinda slipped into a coma and the doctors took off her life support. Sweet Belinda died around 12:OO Sunday morning. It was so bittersweet. I was so sad, so discouraged because of the way it ended. I believe that God put her in a coma though so that his child wouldn't be in pain anymore. I rejoice because I know she will NEVER suffer again. She is in GLORY with her Heavenly Father and I know He is so PROUD of her and her faith. I will miss her so much. But I will never forget the things she said. They have changed my life and my faith. Mom and I have typed up all of the text messages Belinda sent during her journey. They make up 23 type pages. The funeral is tomorrow and we're making notebooks that have the pages in them so that our family can read, remember, and reflect on Belinda's Walk. That's what we're calling it. I'll probably post some of her texts on her whenever I read through them again so that I can share her with ya'll. I know I'll see her again one day. And what a day that will be! I challenge you. When you feel hopeless and you don't understand what's going on, remember Belinda. Remember how she never once lost faith. Remember that she rejoiced always, even in suffering. And tell yourself, 'If she can do it, so can I.' Never give up. Always give God the glory He deserves, even when it's hard. Love Him as Belinda did. As I wrap this up, I ask that you pray for my church family as we deal with losing a great man and family, The Burdeshaws. And I ask you to pray for my family as we deal with the death of a loved one. Pray that even though it's such a loss, that we don't forget that she is better now than she ever was. Thank you.

                                 Beautiful Belinda. We will miss you.

Until next time.

Always,
Morgan

Here goes nothing.

Hi. It's me. 

And you know what? I feel really lame. 

                    Wanna know why? 

I made a blog. 

  [ No disrespect to those hardcore bloggers out there. ]

It's just that almost EVERYBODY in my hometown has made a blog now. But that's not why I'm making one. First off, I'm for sure not 'copying' anyone or anything like that. Let me explain why I've randomly decided to make a blog. I used to love to write. Seriously, love it. Even back in middle school, I had a composition notebook full of poems I had written, emotions I was feeling, song lyrics that I could relate to, and secrets that I can't even remember now. I really hate that I can't find that notebook. I would've loved to look back and read the writings of who I was then, laugh, and be thankful that I've grown up a lot since then. Don't you hate how things can just disappear? Things that you think you'll always keep up with. Things that mean so much to you at the time. And in the midst of all the clutter, they vanish. Who knows where that silly notebook is. I could've thrown it away for all I know. Not only do those 'precious' possessions disappear, but so do memories. It's really sad, honestly. I hate it when I'm talking to people and they bring up some past event that we shared and I just can't remember any of it to save my life. It makes me feel like a bad person. But anyways, my point is that I started a blog so that I won't lose it in my extremely 'organized' life AND I'll be able to write (or type) things that I want to remember. Notebooks go missing. Saved phone messages get lost as new phones come and go. Cameras get stolen and the brain remembers things that don't really matter, but forgets things that once did. I don't expect anyone to read all of these long rambles of mine. But then again, I'm not writing it for other people. So, it's all good. I was trying to think of a title for this blog, and I didn't want some cheesy overused title, like 'Confessions' or 'Memories' blahblahblah. So, eventually I thought of the title 'Simply Morgan' and it stuck. Know why? Because that's what it is. Simple ol' Morgan writing down the little things that I feel should be recorded. Nothing extraordinarily eloquent and such. Just the little things. Well, that's all I got for now. I think that's good enough for a first blog post. More to come later. <3

Always, Morgan