Must. Have. Attention.

I almost feel weird when I update my blog. Maybe it's cause I don't necessarily know what to post without truly opening up, which I kinda feel weird for doing over a blog post. But I mean, I'm not even sure if more than two people read my blog. But at the same time, I feel weird posting because I feel like I'm posting for other people, not for myself. Does that make sense? Like, I'm posting for other people to read, posting in hope for a response. And then I start to wonder. I feel like I seek people's approval too much. It's annoying, even to me. Sometimes, I update my status and wonder, "Did I just put that to see how many 'likes' I'll get, or did I post that because I meant it, so it doesn't matter if anyone likes it?" Why am I so dependent on Facebook or Twitter? Why do I feel like I need to voice my thoughts, my opinions, for other people to see? Geez, this is just so convicting. Most people probably wouldn't own up to it, but I am addicted to attention. Period. Especially over the internet. I delete statuses that don't get a certain amount of 'likes.' It used to be worse. I used to feel the need to always update my pictures so that people could see my life, to see ME. WHY?! How obnoxious. Why do I think I'm so important that I need to do all that? As if people really keep tabs on what I do and what I think or feel. I am so annoyed even just typing this. I don't do Lent and I never have, but I really consider doing it this year and just giving up Facebook and Twitter. Giving up that NEED to receive attention and approval for stuff that doesn't mean anything. Why do I not seek the approval of my God that much? Something is so wrong with that. I mean I love Facebook, but I seriously hate it at the same time. Sorry for the rant. Hope it makes you wonder, though.




Love always.